Clockwork Fishcakes

When I am old I’ll wear nothing

I’ll eat clockwork fishcakes from a Viking helmet

cry havoc with the next door neighbor’s dog

drive a Jaguar Mk 11 through fields of discordant popcorn

keep apoplectic pigs on the back seat

This will encourage farmers to make sausages

from a host of golden daffodils


When I am old I’ll cross the hand of time with silver

One can usually find him

alongside a vegetarian with a penchant for rabbits and Minotaur

Avant garde varieties of these species

can be found doing a waltz at the local launderette

whist cane toads pirouette to an aria from Tosca

Accompanied by Lawrence of Arabia on testosterone and lute


When I am old I shall not wash

I’ll seek my fortune cookie

in the Hung Fat Himalayan take away

next to the mortuary at Cockfosters.

These lines do not have any Freudian subtext


When I am old I’ll get a 14 million pound pension

I’ll spend my days living off the backs of befuddled supplicants

Who cannot afford to rent porn.

At dawn I’ll fire a shotgun into the clouds

Thus arriving at the conclusion that all life is pointless

A miasma of interrupted moments going on and on and on,

like a rinse cycle .All rinse cycles are pointless

Some rinse cycles are more pointless than others


When you are old I’ll tie a yellow rope around the oak tree

Hang you from it, claim insanity and get a free social worker

A trip to Gibraltar and money off vouchers from Tesco’s

I’ll stick two pencils up your nostrils and chant the litany

“I must go down to the sea to make clockwork fishcakes

Give me the sea mother, the sea, the sea

Todays best new poem was written by Ray Evans



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One thought on “Clockwork Fishcakes

  1. I see, “When I am old and gray…” take off. I like the ending very much!!! Definitely would have liked seeing some more stanzas leading up to your fall-out, quite sudden, I may add. I love the situational irony, 🙂

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